learning to say no, or being mean at the appropriate times

a major problem in my life is the dichotomy of my outward self: the people who i like and who know me well know that i'm not very nice - but strangers and people i don't like think i'm sweet as peaches. oooh, just cute as a button. it's this little voice of mine, in tandem with my ability to smile and think hateful thoughts simultaneously - really throws folks off.

today, thanks to a dull-as-virtue colleague (almost said 'dull-as-sin', but that would make no sense at all. is that a real saying? that makes no sense.), i identified another piece of the puzzle: the people that i don't like are the ones who are simply not tuned in. at all. i can be as blunt as i like, and they don't pick up on it. i say something rude, they think i'm being cute. i can eat my lunch, toss the remnants, gather my stuff, and talk about needing to get back to work, and they'll sit there, slowly digging in the bag for another chip, and ask WHY i need to get back to work. [to be fair, i could be clearer and say "because if i have to talk to you one minute longer, you are certain to perish painfully", but i don't.] from the innumerable interminable 'conversations' i've had with such people, it's clear that they don't pick up on a lot of other things in the world, either.

the folks i DO like are tuned in enough to understand that this itty-voiced thing is capable of - nay, wallows in - pure nastiness. moreover, they understand that if there is a question of whether i'm serious or angry, i'm certainly not. and finally, they know that making fun of my voice will get you on a very, very bad list.

between the lunch 'dates' i end up accidentally having here and my elderly suitor who keeps calling from his home halfway across the planet just because i helped him on the train, i've realized that i just need to say no. no. no. no. no, i don't care that we work together, no i don't want to have lunch. no, it would be uncool to have coffee with an old stranger. oh, yeah - and no, you're my mentor's colleague, we will never sleep together, no. aiee.

new years' resolution: no no no!